*watching a competition show, white man walks in wearing a kimono*

Me, internally: oh boy.

*man turns to show worlds tiniest manbun*

Me, internally: oh no

*man introduces self with “My name is jacob goldberg but my japanese name is–”*

Me, out loud: oh no

*”I live that life of Asian zen, ya know, in an american setting. I’m a modern samurai”*

Me, into the couch cushion: oh dear sweet jesus