I love this nonsense – konekorambles

neitherclosenorfar:

I recently learned that Shaak Ti/General Grievous was once a Thing which is confounding on multiple levels, but I also sort of love it? Not as a ship, but as the sort of batshit insane rumour that would get started during the war and get way out of hand.

Like, between the clones and the jedi, you’ve got prime potential for gossip city and “General Grievous absolutely has a crush on Actual Living Goddess Shaak Ti, he gave her flowers and severed head once.” is totally the sort of stupid story clones would make up.

(The joke being that he is practically a droid and mostly metal. That’s the sort of thing a sixteen year old in combat is going to find hilarious.)

(And of course in addition to sixteen year old clones you also have sixteen year old padawans who also find the mental image of perennially chill ‘everyone sort of has a crush on her, but like, in a hands off way’ Master Shaak Ti seducing General Grievous with her limb slicing abilities to be hilarious.)

It’s a lot easier to laugh off the feared Jedi Killer when you’re pretending he is head over heels for everyone’s spiritual elementary school teacher. Eventually it goes from drunk story, to inside joke, to actual legitimate rumour and now all the younglings are sleeping better at night because Shaak Ti will beat General Grievous up, she’s done it before, like, ten times, that’s why he’s obsessed with her.

(Shaak Ti is gently bemused because she’s only met Grievous two or three times and there was a lot of attempted murder, but if it makes the kids happy, she’ll play along and smile mysteriously when asked about the subject.)

Eventually it hits the standard galactic gossip mill along with such gems as “Anakin Skywalker and Senator Amidala are secretly married and have three love children.”, “Mace Windu is really four younglings in a cloak.”, and “Obi Wan Kenobi was invented by the Chancellor to serve as the face of the war effort, he’s actually an actor from Alderaan.” and in time reaches the ears of the Separatists who are confused as hell.

Except Count Dooku, who recognizes this as Jedi business as usual and goes to slam his head into a wall. This is why he left the Order.