Lesbophobia is real. It’s the prejudice, bigotry, and oppression that exists at the intersection of homophobia and misogyny. Let me say it again: Lesbophobia is real. Hate for lesbians is real.
However, it is essential to acknowledge and understand that the term lesbophobia has been co-opted by a loud and growing contingent of LGBTQ women in communities that share troubling ties and ideology with factions that exist inside the alt-right movement — worse, the dangerous dogma that’s attaching itself to word the lesbophobia has found a new home at AfterEllen.
I first encountered the word lesbophobia in response to the post I wrote called Queer Women Take Over The 2016 Emmys. Her Story got a revolutionary nod for Outstanding Short Form. Kate McKinnon took home a trophy for Saturday Night Live. Sarah Paulson won for The People vs. O.J. Simpson. And Jill Soloway scored another victory for Transparent. On social media there was a small outcry that I hadn’t chosen the headline “Lesbians Take Over the 2016 Emmys,” despite the fact that Kate McKinnon was the only winner who explicitly identifies as a lesbian. (In fact, Sarah Paulson is on record saying, “I refuse to give any kind of label just to satisfy what people need.”) The reasons the handful of dissenters gave for my decision to call the Emmys queer was that I am a lesbophobe, an espouser and executor of lesbophobia.
To be very honest with you, I shrugged it off. The most unwinnable battle we have at Autostraddle is labeling LGBTQ people in a way that satisfies everyone. It’s such a constant struggle, we laid out an explanation about labels in our official comment policy. Recently on a Pop Culture Fix, I wrote about the new queer characters coming to The Good Wife spin-off. One of them will be a lesbian, according to the show’s writers; the other’s sexuality has not been labeled. So, I said, “The Good Wife spin-off will prominently feature two lesbian, bisexual, gay, homosexual, or otherwise queer-identified women.” Just to cover all my bases because it was almost Christmas and I was tired and I didn’t want to have to argue about labels. And yet, the cries of lesbophobia came in again. I got a couple of emails, a dozen or so tweets. Essentially: “Lesbian is not a dirty word! Saying queer is lesbophobic!”
So, on December 26, I tweeted something I think is a true, fair, and accurate analogy:
Yelling “lesbophobia!” when someone says “queer” is like yelling “war on Christmas!” when someone says “happy holidays.” Come on, y’all.
A couple of days later, AfterEllen’s official Twitter tweeted at me and said: “@theheatherhogan oh, agreed. It’s like yelling “biphobia!” and “transphobia!” when someone says lesbian.“
“AfterEllen is three weeks shy of transforming their website into an online support group for victims of wyt lesbian genocide. This is honestly the most ridiculously entitled white lesbian coated petrified bullshit I have seen in a long time. And if you don’t think white supremacy has reached out its dirty little fingers and touched a few groups of marginalized white folks, well. Keep an eye on their feed here and there. Keep an eye on their former writers. They aren’t just trying to Make Lesbianism Great Again… They are asserting their strength. They are erasing the visibility of the defectors. They are sliding their salty little asses into spaces and feeds where they must know they are clearly not wanted or cared for. I was never a fan of AE but this new image they’re building for themselves is a little too Nazi-adjacent for my galaxy Blaaaack aaaass.”
Dickens was, of course, correct. And her point was proven once again the very next day when an article blasted out to the 125,000 followers of AfterEllen’s official, verified Twitter account cried: “Lesbian Spaces Are Still Needed, No Matter What the Queer Movement Says”. It suggests that trans women and bisexual women’s desire to be included in queer women’s spaces is to blame for the decline of lesbian-specific spaces, which lesbians need to stay safe from trans and bisexual women.
That kind of rallying cry feels very much like the “Save Our White Neighborhoods” rallying cry of the alt-right, so I went on a deeper dive to try to find the origins of what I called “the lesbophobia movement” on Twitter. And what I found was more horrifying than I ever imagined.
A few weeks ago AfterEllen — which everyone presumed dead after the company that owns it effectively fired everyone, including longtime editor in chief Trish Bendix — announced it had acquired a new editor named Memoree Joelle. In October, Joelle, tweeted a Change.org petition that she’d signed called Take the L Out of LGBT. The petition is a direct response to a previously failed petition that called for GLAAD, the Human Rights Campaign, HuffPo Voices, The Advocate, etc. to Drop The T from LGBT. The most popular supporter of the petition is a guy you might know called Milo Yiannopoulos. He signed it, tweeted about it, and dedicated 3,000 words to it in a post on Breitbart. Thanks to Milo’s urging, Matthew Hopkins, one of the main perpetrators of Gamergate, wrote a post called “Why #GamerGate Should Help the ‘Drop the T’ Campaign” on his personal blog. Hopkins called it “one of the most politically important campaigns of our generation.”
In addition to signing and tweeting about the petition, Joelle commented her approval. When former AfterEllen writer Elaine Atwell brought Joelle’s support of the petition to light, Joelle’s comments disappeared from the petition, and so did Elaine’s byline from the hundreds of articles she wrote over the last five years at AfterEllen.
The comments on the Change.org petition mention lesbophobia multiple times and equate it with trans activism, as do the subreddits that discussed Joelle’s contribution to the petition. “Part of lesbophobia is hating us for our same-sex attraction, but another very big part of it is hating us for our rejection of men,” one user wrote on /r/GenderCritical/. (Trans women are almost always referred to as men on this particular subreddit.) Another Redditor on /r/actuallesbians decried the “male entitlement and lesbophobia” of protesting the petition. “The moment we talk about your rape culture or your male violence we’re ‘transphobic’ or ‘biphobic.’” (The men in this comment are actually trans women and “rape culture” refers to the constantly espoused idea in TERF communities that trans women are male predators.) The lesbophobia tag on the blog GenderTrender is a deeply disturbing trip down an anti-trans rabbit hole. The lesbophobia tag on the website 4th Wave Now is horrifying; it equates allowing trans kids/teens to come out and live openly as their true gender with child abuse, ideas that are — again — shared with Breitbart and Milo Yiannopoulos. Reddit and Tumblr are absolutely flush with lesbians using the word “lesbophobia” to back up the ideas presented in these “Drop the T”/“The L Is Leaving” petitions.
These spaces that use the word “lesbophobia” to attack trans and bi women or people who use the word queer share more than than an ideology with Breitbart. You’ll find them saying things like “trans women want to colonize the lesbian community.” You’ll find them using the phrase “SJW” (meaning Social Justice Warrior), a pejorative term coined by the Men’s Rights Activist movement. And you’ll find a lot of talk about how the correct “biology” is the thing that allows people access to the protections of the majority. And lots and lots and lots and lots of just truly sickening propaganda leveled at trans and bi women. It’s very much about creating an in-group and scapegoating an out-group through tried and true tactics that have been — I’m sorry — utilized by Fox News and the alt-right for years.
I wrote about these things on Twitter, and you can read Dickens further unpacking them here and here. (You should read that last thread before you jump in here and call her “my black friend.”)
Look, we didn’t just wake up one day with an openly racist, openly sexist, openly xenophobic, openly ableist, openly anti-semitic president in the White House, appointing the leader of the most dangerous white supremacist website in history to his top advisor position. We watched blatant and unabashed white supremacist language and ideas slowly take over the movement from the inside. We watched the most powerful scapegoat the most vulnerable. We watched Fox News make heroes out of the white men who murdered unarmed black children and terrify people with their whole War on Christmas bullshit and equate all Muslims with terrorists. A Nazi didn’t walk into the West Wing and have a seat; the slow creep of white supremacy laid the path for him.
Vox did a fascinating interview with former conservative talk show host Charlie Sykes earlier this year. He quit over Trump. But the whole interview is him agonizing about how, to him, the GOP had always been about fiscal conservatism and states rights and he believed in that ideological purity so deeply that he fooled himself into believing that’s what the GOP was about to everybody, despite the fact that he saw the white supremacy and fascism slowly gaining power and momentum until it took over.
To realize, first of all, that you’re part of a movement that was not the movement you thought it was, that you’re aligned with people that you didn’t really understand you’re aligned with, and to realize that everything that you thought about the conservative intellectual infrastructure was really piecrust thin. You thought you had this big principled movement and then suddenly along comes Donald Trump and you realize that it was just was just the pastry on top. So I think disorienting is a great term. Disillusioning is not too strong either.
To me, what we’re talking about with lesbophobia is a similar thing. Is lesbophobia a term some lesbians have rallied around to protest the prejudice and bigotry that exist at the intersection of homophobia and misogyny? Yes, of course. Absolutely. HOWEVER. I had to go searching for people using the word lesbophobia like that because my entire experience with the way the word kept popping up in my timeline and in my comments and in the comments sections of other websites was to decry the use of the word queer and to espouse anti-trans and anti-bi ideology. And that includes every single person who landed in my mentions on Twitter when I started talking about this. I did not click on a single profile without finding anti-trans, anti-bi language; or ask a single person if they believe trans women are women and have them say yes.
If you are a woman who is using the word lesbophobia to NOT do those things, and you’re more angry at me for pointing out that it’s happening than you are at anti-trans/anti-bi people who have hijacked its meaning, I … I truly don’t understand. What’s happening at AfterEllen is terrifying me. Maybe the website is technically dead, but it still has clout and power and it’s using it to push some really dangerous ideas about lesbian exclusivity, and those ideas are shared by a very loud group of people who use the word “lesbophobia” on their blogs, social media, Reddit, etc. to vilify the people (like me) who stand against them.
I don’t want to cause anyone pain. I don’t want to make anyone feel unsafe or unloved or unaccepted. I DO NOT BELIEVE LESBIANS ARE NAZIS. I AM A LESBIAN. If you truly think that’s what I was saying when I unpacked these ideas on Twitter, I’m sorry. It was not my intention.
I do think, however, that it’s imperative for you to open your eyes to how the word lesbophobia is being used to persecute and oppress trans and bi women in very vocal and influential spaces that have direct ties in ideology and language with the alt-right.
An incredibly important read.
Via Crystal; language in propaganda is important, and often subtle.
TL&DR AfterEllen is no longer a community resource. The entire AfterEllen staff was fired. The new editor has connections to the alt right movement, and is using the website to spread divisive propaganda. They’re also erasing the credits of former writers from older articles, presumably to make it look like they’ve always worked there.
Alt righters have co-opted the word “lesbophobia” to pit lesbians against bi/trans/queer women & vice versa. Classic divide & conquer tactic.
Note: This coincides neatly with the rise of “queer is a slur” discourse on tumblr.
Memoree Joelle, referenced above as the editor of AfterEllen, personally targeted me on Facebook for a week old post defending trans women I wrote in regards to an ongoing issue with transphobic leadership at my local LGBTQ (not so much the BTQ anymore tho) community center.
[Image description: Images are of a thread by twitter user @dynamicsymmetry.
Thread starts by quoting a tweet reading
“People in their 30s need to stop bitching about how they’re getting old. You aren’t getting old, but your depressing outlook sure as hell is”.
@dynamicsymmetry responds:
Okay, I actually want to talk about this for a second, regarding millennials and how really goddamn difficult it is for us to make sense of our own age sometimes.
People write about us like we’re still barely in college, when a lot of us are entering our mid and even late thirties. *A lot of us are close to forty goddamn years old.*
You see? The world itself doesn’t know how old we are.
But something else that happens – and I notice this so keenly in myself these days – is a sense of panic, that we’re getting older and running out of time and *we haven’t even grown the fuck up yet*.
Think about that for a second.
We’re not complaining about how we’re getting old, or at least I’m not. That’s not what makes my stomach quivery. It’s the sense that the world is speeding up and speeding up and I’m running out of time and I don’t own a house and I don’t have kids and oh my god what the fuck
We’re not in a mid-life crisis. Millennials are experiencing a *goddamn crisis of temporality*. We don’t know if we’re old. We don’t know if we’re young. We don’t know what we’re doing. We’ve lost our guideposts, our benchmarks, our rubrics for life.
And people blame us for it.
And it really doesn’t help that we’re approaching middle age (WHATEVER THAT EVEN MEANS ANYMORE) in an deeply toxic economic system, with a global future currently very much in doubt, and our parents won’t stop fucking us over.
So the next time you hear a Millennial in their thirties complaining about feeling old, maybe listen to the words behind the words. Because we are living through some shit.
Also our knees and backs hurt and we don’t have health insurance.
Also there’s a very real prospect that many of us won’t be able to afford to retire. We’re not the only generation facing that, or the only generation that’s ever faced that, but you need to understand that we’re facing that in the context of having been lied to.
and please don’t respond to this with “other people have gone through this too” because
A) I know, I do social-historical academic work
B) Every generation experiences similar trends in different ways and we are experiencing *radical* differences from what our parents did.
I’m not going to go into an even longer Twitter essay about atemporality but please just understand that this is not something about which I am prepared to argue. It’s just true.
and additional caveat: I’m not even beginning to get into race and class here because this is a twitter thread not an academic paper and I don’t feel equipped right now to give that the attention it deserves; just be aware that I know I’m oversimplifying a lot here.
AND quick denouement: just to make things nice and confusing for me personally I’m 34 and this is my hair and no it is not dyed
[mild laughter emoji] [photograph of short, uniformly mid-grey hair].
Does anyone else remember the story about that poor lesbian who came out to her mother and her mother cried and said “it’s all that damn Keira Knightley’s fault, I knew I shouldn’t have let you watch pride and prejudice as a child” because I’m really feeling that now
Yes
Bonus
I’m screaming
listen i respect y’all’s elizabeth bennets and elizabeth swanns and especially y’alls bend it like beckham babygays realizations but
DID Y’ALL MISS DOMINO (2005) ????
LOOK AT THIS FRESH DISASTER. THIS ABSOLUTE DREAM OF A MESS
DID Y”ALL MISS THIS
AND THIS
AND LOOK AT THIS GAY ANNOYANCE???
oh and at the end lucy liu shows up and interrogates her and it is v intense and lesbionic
in conclusion i had this haircut for 7 years and still want to kiss keira knightley
Legolas pretty quickly gets in the habit of venting about his travelling companions in Elvish, so long as Gandalf & Aragorn aren’t in earshot they’ll never know right?
Then about a week into their journey like
Legolas: *in Elvish, for approximately the 20th time* ugh fucking hobbits, so annoying
Frodo: *also in Elvish, deadpan* yeah we’re the worst
Legolas:
~*~earlier~*~
Legolas: ugh fucking hobbits
Merry: Frodo what’d he say
Frodo: I’m not sure he speaks a weird dialect but I think he’s insulting us. I should tell him I can understand Elvish
i mean, honestly it’s amazing the Elves had as many languages and dialects as they did, considering Galadriel (for example) is over seven thousand years old.
english would probably have changed less since Chaucer’s time, if a lot of our cultural leaders from the thirteenth century were still alive and running things.
they’ve had like. seven generations since the sun happened, max.
frodo’s books are old to him, but outside any very old poetry copied down exactly, the dialect represented in them isn’t likely to be older than the Second Age, wherein Aragorn’s foster-father Elrond started out as a very young adult and grew into himself, and Legolas’ father was born.
so like, three to six thousand years old, maybe, which is probably a drop in the bucket of Elvish history judging by all the ethnic differentiation that had time to develop before Ungoliant came along, even if we can’t really tell because there weren’t years to count, before the Trees were destroyed.
plus a lot of Bilbo’s materials were probably directly from Elrond, whose library dates largely from the Third Age, probably, because he didn’t establish Imladris until after the Last Alliance. and Elrond isn’t the type to intentionally help Bilbo learn the wrong dialect and sound sillier than can be helped, even if everyone was humoring him more than a little.
so Frodo might sound hilariously formal for conversational use (though considering how most Elves use Westron he’s probably safe there) and kind of old-fashioned, but he’s not in any danger of being incomprehensible, because elves live on such a ridiculous timescale.
to over-analyse this awesome and hilarious post even more, legolas’ grandfather
was from linguistically stubborn Doriath and their family is actually from a
somewhat different, higher-status ethnic background than their subjects.
so depending on how much of a role Thranduil took in his
upbringing (and Oropher in his), Legolas may have some weird stilted old-fashioned speaking tics in his
Sindarin that reflect a more purely Doriathrin dialect rather than the Doriathrin-influenced Western Sindarin that became the most widely spoken Sindarin long before he was born, or he might have a School Voice
from having been taught how to Speak Proper and then lapse into really
obscure colloquial Avari dialect when he’s being casual. or both!
considering legolas’ moderately complicated political position, i expect he can code-switch.
…it’s
also fairly likely considering the linguistic politics involved that Legolas is reasonably articulate in Sindarin, though
with some level of accent, but knows approximately zero Quenya outside of loanwords into Sindarin, and even those he mostly didn’t learn as a kid.
which would be extra hilarious when he and gimli fetch up in Valinor in his little homemade skiff, if the first elves he meets have never been to Middle Earth and they’re just standing there on the beach reduced to miming about what is the short beard person, and who are you, and why.
this is elvish dialects and tolkien, okay. there’s a lot of canon material! he actually initially developed the history of middle-earth specifically to ground the linguistic development of the various Elvish languages!
Legolas: Alas, verily would I have dispatched thine enemy posthaste, but y’all’d’ve pitched a feckin’ fit.
Aragorn: *eyelid twitching*
Frodo: *frantically scribbling* Hang on which language are you even speaking right now
Pippin, confused: Is he not speaking Elvish?
Frodo, sarcastically: I dunno, are you speaking Hobbit?
Boromir, who has been lowkey pissed-off at the Hobbits’ weird dialect this whole time: That’s what it sounds like to me.
Merry, who actually knows some shit about Hobbit background: We are actually speaking multiple variants of the Shire dialect of Westron, you ignorant fuck.
Sam, a mere working-class country boy: Honestly y’all could be talkin Dwarvish half the time for all I know.
Pippin, entering Gondor and speaking to the castle steward: hey yo my man
Oh yes, I’m SURE there are cat-equivalents! Now I’m laughing at the visual of some poor padawan chasing after a streak of blue with claws and teeth as it tries to escape by way of jumping off Master Yoda’s shoulder and flinging itself into the rafters.
I bet Mace Windu doesn’t like cats.
which means, of course, the cats follow him everywhere
Every time there’s a Council meeting and he sits down, BAM, cat on his lap and he can’t yell and shoo them away without betraying his cool exterior
The tookas had been at the Temple for as long as anyone could remember. Nobody knew when or why. For as long as there have been Jedi on Coruscant, the tookas have lived beside them. Nobody questioned their presence, not even the Jedi who disliked them or who were allergic to them, not even Mace Windu, whose hate for them was legendary and who was followed around the Temple by a plague of tookas, suggested that they didn’t have a place in the Temple.
To hurt or kick the tookas was frowned upon. An initiate caught doing so would probably never make padawan but even the worst behaved initiates would never have thought to do so.
The Tookas ate the vermin that snuck into the Temple from the twisting lower levels of Coruscant. They stole food from distracted Jedi, or were fed by Tooka loving Jedi- bowls of blue milk left in hallways, scraps off plates, or left-over food left out by the Jedi who staffed the Temple kitchens. They slept curled up in patches of sunlight on Temple windowsills, or in the beds of Jedi, or in piles in the darkened corners of the Temple where few Jedi had cause to tread.
(If you are in deepest parts of the Jedi Temple and you feel the brush of fur against your leg and the flash of golden eyes, there is a tooka beside you. There are many more around you that you cannot see or feel. Ask yourself, should you be there?)
Anakin Skywalker loved the tookas he kept scraps in his pockets for them. The Jedi Temple was cold, so cold, but the tookas with their small furry bodies, were warm as warm can be. They slept in his bed and comforted him when he cried, quiet as quiet can be so as not to wake his master (a Jedi releases his feelings into the Force), for his mother. (Obi Wan also cried in the other bedroom into the fur of a scarred blue tooka with one eye who had followed Obi Wan through his initiate days and who padded along behind him whenever his journeying took him back to Coruscant, but this is another tale.) Even in the last days of the Jedi, when Anakin Skywalker teetered at the edge of the Dark, the tookas swarmed behind him, almost tripping him up, mewing insistently.
When Darth Vader marched on the Temple, he and his clone troopers walked down hallways surrounded by unblinking yellow eyes. Some unwary troopers who walked too far from their battalions into the Temple’s shadowed corners disappeared. Their bodies were later found by the emperor’s cleanup crews chewed by a hundreds of tiny mouths, scratched by thousands of tiny claws. (Members of the cleanup crews disappeared too but nobody talks of that.)
Emperor Sidious tried to make the Temple his palace, a final insult to the Jedi. The tookas gave him no rest. They attacked him, his staff, his soldiers. They clawed his draperies, knocked over his artefacts, left puddles of piss and excrement in every corner. He fled a month later for good.
Darth Vader never returned after the Temple massacre. In the council room, he looked up from the bodies of the younglings into a thousand unblinking golden eyes and knew that there would be no place for him here ever again. He strode (fled) from those halls that had once been his home and never came back.
Decades later when the Jedi had risen and fallen and the empire too had risen and fallen and risen and fallen yet again, a young woman and a young man, one fair, the other dark, both lighting their way with bright blue sabers, levered open the heavy rusted doors, and let the sun shine into the Temple once more. They were met by thousands of shining yellow eyes and the low buzz of hundreds upon hundreds of purring throats.
Jedi, something whispers, welcome back. We have been waiting.
I love this, angst and all! On a happier note, why do I get the feeling they made it into to GAR ships as well? They adored the clones no doubt, and the same way that all Padawans tended to be called commander, and all Jedi kinghts and above general, all temple tookas were referred to as lieutenant. And yes, you know they tried claim orders from a superior when they were caught slacking off with a tooka in their lap!😁
Also, the Wolfpack with a teeny tiny tooka sitting on Plo’s shoulder. The 212th with a fussy ginger tom who can instantly tell if the general’s tea is too cold. Torrent company with multiple furry friends who skitter through the air ducts and catch rides in R2’s chassis, but one can always be found curled up in the med bay waiting to assist.
“Lieutenant Socks says I need to stay put and administer head scritches sir.”
“Waxer, get to the bridge now.”
Commander Cody is tired. Fortunately, with Waxer gone, the Lieutenant needs somebody else to give head pats. I like your idea!!! I feel like years afterwards the imperial but formerly GAR ships and their clone crews have a veritable infestation of tookas.
Only after the clones get phased out by the emperor, do the tookas leave the ships, following their clones into retirement on a hundreds of different planets, warming their laps and keeping them company in their (premature) old age. Commander Cody keeps “Lieutenant” Socks until his death. It’s his way of holding onto a piece of his old life and his general.
Nope! I refuse to let this get sadder! (and yes Alba I see the irony 😉)
Because these are Temple Tookas, and they are attuned to the force in ways we will never fully understand. Just like the clones, they are meant to be with their Jedi. So I give you two scenarios;
– Tatooine’s native animals aren’t exactly the smallest or cutest of beings, so the first time Luke encounters one in the corridors of Home One he thinks it is just his curiousity that makes him pick up the purring Tooka and hold it close to his chest. It makes the loss just that little bit easier to take. Soon however it becomes obvious that he has been adopted, and not just by the first one (who he names “Sparks” in honour of a rather amusing incident with R2 in the hanger bay) but by an ever growing tribe of Tookas who refuse to let him wallow. Leia giggles as she plays keep away with an adorable tabby kitten (ATAVII) while Wedge complains about the black one (Bomber) that likes to sleep in the Rogue’s flight helmets ( Luke pretends he doesn’t see him slipping the little menace treats between missions).The real shock however are the grizzled veterans who follow the Tookas, identical faces all looking at him with a sense of dumbfounded awe followed by determination. The Tookas found the Vod’e a baby Jedi, they will be damned before they let this one be harmed on their watch. Which is how Luke Skywalker gets an honour guard of overprotective clones who know all the tricks for keeping their Jedi safe from their own idiocy. They are however vastly relieved when Lieutenant Fluffybutt sashays in on ancient paws followed by former captain Rex – when it comes to chaos Skywalkers are after all in a league of their own.
-Cody has no clue know why he doesn’t change the coordinates Lieutenant Socks managed to accidentally enter into the navcomp. But honestly, there’s nowhere he really belongs anymore and he’s just so tired… Tired of running, tired of grieving, tired of trying to drink away his memories,just tired of everything. So he makes the jump, and finds himself orbiting a certain desert backwater with two suns. He looks at Socks and asks him why he felt the need to take them to a planet where he’ll spend half the time combing sand out of his fur? Socks just purrs. Cody figures that counts as orders from a superior and so heads down to the surface. He’s not sure where to go, until he checks to see where Socks has disappeared to and finds the Tooka twining himself around the ankles of a local boy who offers to show him around. Luke is a sweet kid, and Cody pushes down a weird feeling of familiarity as he follows him around town. Cody offers him a ride home and Luke agrees, but does he mind if they make a detour to see Old Ben? The Tuskens have been active recently and he want to make sure the hermit is ok. Cody of course agrees (somewhat bemused) and off they go with Socks tucked around Luke’s neck purring up a storm. And then? There is a man in the desert with beard and hair bleached white by the sun. His voice is rougher, he moves like a man much older, but it is still unmistakably, unbelievably, Cody’s General. There are tears. There are apologies. There are hugs. But most of all, there is belonging. Because at long last Cody is back where he is meant to be, at his Jedi’s side.
Good luck with your essay writing! I’m sure you’ll nail it! 😊
Oh my God, I am not exaggerating when I say that I squeaked happily at your scenarios. Especially the one where Lieutenant Socks leads Cody to Ben. They can be grumpy Sand!husbands together.
Cody chases off intruders with his trusty GAR issued blaster, Ben (irritatingly) invites them in for tea, even those of the feral Tatooinian wildlife variety. Luke comes for visits at least once a week and absorbs their war stories, wide-eyed. Owen grumbles but has to concede that “that Cody at least has some sense, maybe if we’re lucky some of will make its way into your hard head, boy.” Beru and Ben meet in Mos Eisely for monthly supply runs and exchange gossip over drinks at the local cantina. Nobody bothers them, it is common knowledge that Beru is a quick draw and wicked shot and that Ben is a bad man with whom to pick a bar fight.
Cody manages to convince Owen that the universe in a dangerous place and that Luke is safer trained so Luke starts Jedi training at the age of seven. When a certain pair of droids show up eighteen years later, Luke is ready to face the galaxy. Cody is a pretty old man by that time, but Ben has also been prematurely aged by his experiences and they are both at peace with their lives and their physical state. Lieutenant Socks is very, very old but lives in contented and pampered splendour on his favourite cushion in their hut. Idk, if they survive ANH but I know Owen and Beru do (because reasons, that’s why) and that they have a happy life together.
Oooooh.
And there’s a colony of tookas now living on Endor centered on the clearing where Anakin’s funeral byre was because he did come back to the light in the end.
@forcearama has used the title “Anakin ‘I Had a Bad Dream, Let’s Blow Up The Universe’ Skywalker,” and frankly, for better or worse, this is a great 2-second summary of Anakin.
😄
I have called Anakin (and pretty much every other character) a LOT of things over on Snark Wars – a mixture of titles that are true, funny, sad, or (often) a combination of all three. For example:
Anakin Skywalker, Co-Winner of the Prestigious Star
Wars Weirdest Life Ever Award
Anakin Skywalker, The Most Ridiculous Person Who Has Ever Lived
Anakin Skywalker, Entrance-Maker
Anakin Skywalker, Maker of Dad Jokes
Anakin Skywalker, Increasingly Evil Heartthrob
Anakin Skywalker, Least Subtle Person Ever
Anakin
Skywalker, Galaxy’s Worst Dinner Date
Anakin Skywalker, Definitely Totally Not Interested In Killing Anything
Anakin
Skywalker, The Poster Boy Anakin Skywalker, Deadbeat Employee
Anakin Skywalker, Yeller of Things
Anakin Skywalker, Human Lightning Rod
Anakin Skywalker, Obsessed Ex-Boyfriend
Anakin Skywalker, Totally Game for a Three-Way
Anakin Skywalker, Dramatic Hallway Spree-Killer
Anakin Skywalker, Spectacle-Causer
Anakin Skywalker, Saving the Day Through Property Destruction
Anakin Skywalker, Cares More Than You Do and He’ll Punch You To Prove It
Anakin Skywalker, Adult Tantrum-Haver
Anakin Skywalker, Shirtless Nightmare-Haver
Anakin Skywalker, Just Cares So Much About the Republic Yeah That’s It
Anakin Skywalker, On Fire But Not In The Literal Sense
This Time
Anakin Skywalker, Basically a Preschooler
Anakin Skywalker, Doofus
Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan-Blamer
Anakin Skywalker, Real Housewife of the Jedi Order
Anakin Skywalker, Slow On the Uptake
…and, possibly my favorite:
Anakin Skywalker, Won’t Let You Die Unless He’s the One Killing You
You’ve also done
Anakin Skywalker, Occasionally an Adult With His Shit Together
Anakin Skywalker: Needs A Hug
Anakin Skywalker, Living Up To His Name
Anakin Skywalker, Good Clone Dad
Anakin Skywalker, Extra Extra
Anakin Skywalker, Posting Your Bail
Anakin Skywalker, Man Of Many Talents
Anakin Skywalker, Just Barely Holding It Together
Anakin Skywalker, Petty And Small And Full Of Fear
Anakin Skywalker, Finger-Pointer
Anakin Skywalker, Has The Force On Speed-Dial
Anakin Skywalker, Storage-Room-Dweller
Anakin Skywalker, Chosen One/Guy Who Blows It
Anakin Skywalker, Learned From The Best
Anakin Skywalker, Looking For a Dramatic Way To Do Something
Anakin Skywalker, Laying It On Thick
Anakin Skywalker, Here to Save Poor Palpatine
Anakin Skywalker, Comic Relief For Me Way More Times Than He Probably Should Be
Anakin Skywalker, Pretty Sure Someone’s Going to Die
Anakin Skywalker, Refuses To Accept Anyone’s Death As An Option
Anakin Skywalker, Emotionally Involved
Anakin Skywalker, Bringer of Dinner and Also Hotness
Anakin Skywalker, STILL KILLING ME HERE
Anakin Skywalker: Aware of his strengths
Anakin Skywalker, NOT FREAKING OUT HERE
Anakin Skywalker, Jealous Limo Driver
Anakin Skywalker Is Insecure
Anakin Skywalker, Still Totally Fine Guys
Anakin Skywalker, Short On Pity
Anakin Skywalker, Wants To Bond With Obi-Wan Kenobi
Anakin Skywalker, Shipping Fangirl
Anakin Skywalker, ALWAYS Killing Me Here
Anakin Skywalker, Self-Saboteur
Anakin Skywalker, Killing Me Here
Anakin Skywalker Lives, Kinda
Anakin Skywalker, Overcomplicating Things
Anakin Skywalker, Traitor
Anakin Skywalker, A Little Touchy About That
Anakin Skywalker, In The Dark
Anakin Skywalker, Multilingual Demand-Maker
Anakin Skywalker, Doomed to Eternal Frustration
Anakin Skywalker, PLEASE
Anakin Skywalker, Future General
Anakin Skywalker, High-Value Hostage
Anakin Skywalker, So Outta Here
Anakin Skywalker, Always Up For Rescuing Obi-Wan
Anakin Skywalker, Used By Everyone
Anakin Skywalker, My Enabler
Anakin Skywalker, Wants to Be a Good Jedi
Anakin Skywalker Wants to Fight the Power
Anakin Skywalker Wants Out
Anakin Skywalker, The Most Ridiculous Person Who Has Ever Lived
Anakin Skywalker, Suspended in Bacta
Anakin Skywalker, Maker of Dad Jokes
Anakin Skywalker, Knower of Something For Once Finally
Anakin Skywalker, Hitting The Fork In The Road
Anakin Skywalker, Surprised Anyone Would Sign Up For This Because Even Obi-Wan Can Barely Tolerate Him Sometimes and That Guy Will Put Up With Pretty Much ANYTHING
Anakin Skywalker, AWOL
Anakin Skywalker, Missing Persons Investigator
Anakin Skywalker, Straying From The Path Prepared For Him From a Certain Point of View
Anakin Skywalker, Doing His Best He’s Trying
Anakin Skywalker Wants to Fight The Power
Anakin Skywalker, Menace to Society
Anakin Skywalker, Losing His Cool
Anakin Skywalker, Impressed With Himself
Anakin Skywalker, An Embarrassment
Anakin Skywalker, Maybe Starting To Wonder If He Backed The Wrong Horse
Anakin Skywalker, Donator of Genes
Anakin Skywalker’s Dramatic DNA Cannot Be Escaped
Anakin Skywalker, Confused But Trying to Cover With Shit-Talking
Anakin Skywalker, Dramatic Hand-Waver
Anakin Skywalker, Still Loves The Force And Also Obi-Wan
Anakin Skywalker, Own Biggest Fan
Anakin Skywalker, Does What He Wants
Anakin Skywalker, Kind of a Dick Sometimes
Anakin Skywalker, Has Been Wronged By So Many Except Palpatine Of Course
Anakin Skywalker, War Hero
Anakin Skywalker, An Idiot
Anakin Skywalker, Not Good In Meetings
Anakin Skywalker, Daydreamer
Anakin Skywalker, Stating the Obvious
Anakin Skywalker, Least Subtle Person Ever
Anakin Skywalker, Totally Able to Handle Anything
Anakin Skywalker, Has More Feelings Than All Of You
Anakin Skywalker, Gonna Be Chewing On This One For a While
Anakin Skywalker, Day-Ruiner
Anakin Skywalker, Great Big Pain in the Ass
Anakin Skywalker, Asleep on the Job
Anakin Skywalker, In Need of Sedation
Anakin Skywalker Owes This Guy
Anakin Skywalker, Not As Funny As He Thinks He Is
Anakin Skywalker, Punch-Thrower
Anakin Skywalker, Packing Heat
Anakin Skywalker, Not Good at Storytelling
Anakin Skywalker, Predictable As Hell
Anakin Skywalker, Rageaholic
Anakin Skywalker, Understandably Not a Fan of Slavery
Anakin Skywalker, The “Gives No Fucks” Years
And
Anakin Skywalker, Risky Pilot
Anakin Skywalker, Foodie
Anakin Skywalker: Cannot Be Taken Anywhere
Anakin Skywalker, Bad With Animals
Anakin Skywalker, Showman
Anakin Skywalker, A Gift From The Humor Gods
Anakin Skywalker, Zero For Four
Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan’s Apprentice
Anakin Skywalker, Doesn’t Need a Group Consensus
Anakin Brought His Smoke Machine
Anakin Skywalker, Classroom Crasher
Anakin Skywalker, Dramatic Courtroom Disruptor
Anakin Skywalker, Dramatic Irony Incarnate
Anakin Skywalker, Maker of Faces
Anakin Skywalker, Cross-Examiner
Anakin Skywalker, One Time Actually Said This To Someone
Anakin Skywalker, Having a Meltdown
Anakin Skywalker, Father of a Runaway
Anakin Skywalker, Having a Shit Week At Work
Anakin Skywalker, Reluctant Day-Saver
Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Locksmith
Anakin Skywalker, Proud Father
Anakin Skywalker’s Uplifting Life Story
Anakin Skywalker, Member of SAG
Anakin Skywalker, Still Still Killing Me Here
Anakin Skywalker, Holding It Together
Anakin Skywalker, Undercover Detective
Anakin Skywalker, Serving Evil to Defeat Evil
Anakin Skywalker, Has a Few Hot Button Issues
Anakin Skywalker, Going to Take Care of Business
Anakin Skywalker, Guy Who Can Break Anything
Anakin Skywalker, Does Not Like Slavery
Anakin Skywalker, Man With No Plan
Anakin Skywalker, Getting Closer to the Line
Anakin Skywalker, Chosen One/Complete Dork
Anakin: again, totally fine everything’s OK situation normal I’m not sad
This is the 10th one of these flowers Slash has stolen and brought home.
Here is number 11…
Here’s his third catch of the night.
And that second photo is his face right after I told him “People on the internet love your flower catching skills, Mr. Slash!”
Guess what Mr. Slash is up to tonight?
And, he’s back at it again tonight.
He got another one, and he is proud of himself.
He brought in another one tonight.
Thank you, Mr. Slash!
He is so beautiful 😭
He’s aware of that, and loves being told that. 😛
Sometimes, he will hold my hand when I ask him about the flowers.
He brought these two flowers in last night, and decided to pose for me when I put them near him to take photos.
Plot twist! He brought back a hibiscus tonight instead of the usual ones.
He must be feeling more tropical.
He’s back to the normal ones now…
Even when it’s raining, he still decides to go and find these. Good thing for him that whatever breed of cat he is, he has remarkably water-resistant fur!
He had a very busy night while everyone was asleep last night…
OH GOD NO BUT THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. how did the jedi not think of that?
what is anakin’s biggest weakness? attachments.
you know who needs lots of attachment? babies. small children.
anakin should not have been made to study murder: he should have been put in charge of Small Things. He would have bonded with all of them instantly, and it would have given his life Meaning and Purpose.
He’d bond with the kids, but he’d be able to move on because they are Bigger now and they have to go to the Big Kid Class but he still sees them around all the time, and it finally teaches him how to let go of his attachments??? He’d find a kid that he’s particularly fond of and go to Obi-Wan and say “I have found your newest padawan.”
this could have fixed so. many. things. ;_____;
Heh, and Anakin would keep picking Obi-Wan’s padawans for him, and it would be annoying but damn if he wasn’t right every single time.
BUT CAN YOU
JUST IMAGINE HOW ANNOYED PALPATINE WOULD BE his life would be never-ending
string of trying to get a hold of Anakin (I mean, would Anakin give him a time of day if he can spend it with small kids who absolutely adore him instead?)
he keeps
comming over the years, but it’s always like
BEEP
“Anakin, my
boy, we haven’t seen each other in a while—“
“I’m sorry,
Chancellor, now’s not the best time. I’m tutoring a class.”
BEEP
“My dear
boy, I wonder if we could meet for a chat—“
“Well, it
can’t be this week, we’re going to Ilum, but maybe later…”
BEEP
“Anakin,
I’d like to—“
“I’m
terribly sorry, Chancellor,” Obi-Wan Kenobi answers. The apologetic tone might
be just a tad exaggerated. “Anakin is on a trip with younglings, he
must’ve left his comlink behind accidentally.”
BEEP
“You’ve
reached Anakin Skywalker’s private comlink. Leave the message after the tone.”
BEEP
“It’s such
a shame that Council doesn’t consider sending you on this campaign, considering
the lightsaber skills you demonstrated when I was last visiting the Temple,
Anakin.”
“Thank you,
Chancellor, but this is precisely why I need to stay behind. In fact just the
last week, the Masters decided I should take over some advanced lightsaber
classes, considering senior Padawans accompanying their Masters on the frontlines
need the training. I might take the Bear Clan along, make it a learning
opportunity for the young ones—“
Palpatine
closes his eyes slowly. He knows this from experience; Anakin won’t let himself
be budged from the topic of little monsters for at least another half an hour.
BEEP
“Ah,
Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin left his comlink behind again, he’s in class—“
BEEP
“Anakin, I
hoped you—“
“Oh! Chancellor,”
the voice on the other end is distinctly female, and Palpatine recognizes it after
a second. Kenobi’s second Padawan. He barely restrains the urge to gnash his
teeth. “Um, Skyg—I mean, Master Skywalker can’t pick up now. I can tell him you
called? It’s just that he was helping me with forms, and he forgot his comlink,
and he’s probably already in crèche…”
BEEP
Then there’s
that one time when an actual youngling picks up the call. The less said about his
reaction to that incident, the better.
BEEP
“—fortunately,
they were all right in the end. But in my opinion, this should never happened
in the first place, Chancellor.”
Palpatine
snaps awake. Was that… was that anger? Finally, the hours of listening to
worthless drivel about Jedi younglings paid off.
“My boy, I
absolutely agree,” he begins slyly, but before he can continue, Anakin steamrolls
on.
“I think Jedi
Order is too deeply entwined in the conflict! I honestly don’t think even
senior Padawans should be anywhere near battles, not to mention in command of
GAR, but now even younglings are acceptable targets for Separatists and pirates!
Master Yoda and I were talking about this lately, and—“
Palpatine
swallows a scream of rage with some difficulty.
BEEP
“Forgot his
comlink again, Master Skywalker has. With younglings, he is.”
Slaughtering
younglings moved to the top on the list of things Darth Sidious will do after
taking over galaxy some time ago.
That is what the Council would have done if they were smart. Seriously. Here’s Yoda saying Anakin should not be taught because he senses too much fear in him, and it’s fear for the people he cares about, something everyone present realizes fully because when it comes to his own safety, Anakin couldn’t be more reckless.
Then Qui Gon announces he’s training him anyway, someone points out he might fulfill the prophecy and bring balance to the Force, and nobody, NOBODY, thinks that MAYBE giving him a job that’s more about caring than killing might be an idea. Nope. Okay, we’re training him, let’s foster the loose canon aspect of his personalities, make him a war general and keep pushing him into vicious battles to the death. Sounds perfect for his mental health.
The Jedi Council were a bunch of idiots with their head so far up their own asses even a lightsaber shoved up there to the hilt would not provide them enough light to see further than their own noses.
I think I got lost somewhere in this metaphor. You get the point.
After ten years, Palpatine loses his patience and decides to change his plans. Fuck it, Skywalker has kids now–two adorable little moppets who can be captured, broken, and twisted into twin powerhouses of the Dark Side. Torture one while the other watches, convince them Daddy doesn’t love them, easy-peasy.
Unfortunately, he fails to reckon with the fact that not only is he going up against Anakin Fucking Skywalker, but that Anakin Fucking Skywalker is the surrogate father/big brother/best friend/cool teacher of ninety percent of the current Padawans and young Knights in the Order. And while the Council might make decisions and talk about the Will of the Force and stuff, those Padawans and Knights only care about the fact that the man who scared away the monsters under the bed–made it feel less lonely and frightening to be away from home when they were small–is now hurting and scared for his own children.
Just like Palpatine always wanted, Anakin ends up leading an army. An army of young Jedi who smash the ever-loving shit out of everything “Darth Sidious” can throw at them, rescue the terrified Skywalker twins, and drag the Chancellor hisownself before the Senate with conclusive proof that he’s an evil Dark-Side-wielding bastard who kidnaps adorable kids.
Attachments FTW.
God, YES
Luke and Leia would have grown up with 500 brothers and sisters of assorted species. Whenever you see Anakin there are 10 kids with him, occasionally actively hanging off of his arms or riding on his shoulders. (Anakin looks downright gleeful about this). Padme thinks it’s the most adorable thing ever.
20 years later by the time “A New Hope” would have begun, Anakin is 45. Padme is the new Chancellor. Luke and Leia are finishing their own Jedi training. 90% of the current young Jedi order calls Anakin ‘Dad’. He has amassed the galaxy’s largest collection of refrigerator art. After that incident with Chancellor Palpatine 15 years back, Yoda was forced to admit to Qui Gon’s very smug force-ghost that he was right. Everything is right with the galaxy.
I am so sorry this ate my brain and then things ran away from me. I AM SORRY.
So. Anakin leads an army to retrieve his children and it’s this twisted version of everything Sidious ever wanted and he’s prepared for that.
But Sidious always underestimates how love changes things. And while he’s prepared to fight Anakin’s devoted army of former crechelings, he underestimates how that’s changed the rest of the Order.
Because Obi-Wan is quieter about whom and how he loves but doesn’t make it any less strong. When Obi-Wan loves someone it is unconditional and unyielding and he has never loved anyone as much as he loves Anakin Skywalker. Then the twins are born and Anakin is bashfully about it but he’s not ashamed and of course Obi-Wan has to know, he can’t imagine Obi-Wan not knowing his children (Obi-Wan totally already knows, he has been rolling his eyes about this for months and waiting for Anakin to come to him so he doesn’t spook him or for Padme to knock some freaking sense into him, which she does, because not-dying Padme is scary post-pregnancy and not willing to deal with the stupid anymore) and then Padme hands him Leia and everything stutters to a halt for a moment because oh, oh no, Anakin has found him another padawan.
There is no one Obi-Wan will ever love as fiercely as Anakin, except for Anakin’s children, who may as well be his own children. And he knows from the moment he first holds her that Leia will be the greatest Jedi he ever has a hand in raising.
(It becomes a joke among the Knights and Masters at the temple after the Skywalker twins arrive. If you even think that you might like to take Leia as your padawan, you can feel Obi-Wan glare at you no matter where he is in the galaxy.)
And when Sidious kidnaps Anakin’s children – his future padawan – Obi-Wan is the only Jedi in the galaxy who can put a hand on Anakin’s shoulder and say we need a distraction to do this safely, trust me to bring them home for you. Anakin will lead the frontal assault and tear down all of Sidious’ carefully constructed plans. Obi-Wan will sneak in and safeguard their children and bring them home.
That’s the plan, anyway.
Here’s what none of them expected:
When Luke Skywalker came screaming and red-faced into the world, an ancient, meddling, troll of a Jedi Master who had vowed never to take another padawan felt it and thought: fuck.
Whereas Leia is, even as a child, stubborn and willful and silk hiding steel, Luke is twin balls of sunshine. Raised among Jedi, he is so bright a presence it hurts. Even raised among Jedi, he wears his heart on his sleeve and has absolutely no guile and he pouts when the cafeteria doesn’t serve his favourite dessert but will cheerfully walk across the room and give it to someone else if he senses that person is still hungry. The first time Luke sees Yoda he stares at him, all big blue eyes and pudgy baby hands, then grabs his ears and won’t let go. Everyone is horrified. Yoda harrumphs at him and tell him, “Patience, young one.” He toddles after Yoda from the time he can crawl and no matter how grouchy Yoda seems he never actively dissuades him from it.
After the twins enter the temple, Anakin always knows not to worry if Luke is missing from the crèche. Yoda will escort him back sooner or later.
(He’s always much more worried when Leia disappears because, yes, Obi-Wan will bring her back but they’ll have always gotten into trouble in the meantime.)
Yoda does not confront Darth Sidious. Yoda does not lose his duel with the Sith lord and become diminished because of it. Yoda is with Obi-Wan, sneaking into his stronghold to see the twins safe. Yoda cannot go Sith hunting when Luke is in pain and gently clinging to him, his arms around his neck, bruised and bleeding and smiled at Yoda when he saw him because Luke knew he would come.
(Sidious cannot win, with them. Leia would risk her home being obliterated rather than betray her righteous cause. Luke would willingly walk into flames rather than give up on those he loves. It hurts, oh it hurts, to see the other in pain, but Leia can watch Luke being hurt and know there are more important things at stake than the two of them and Luke can watch Leia being hurt and trust that they will be saved.)
Sidious escapes but his Empire falls before it solidifies. He will never be as powerful as he needs to be.
(It’s Anakin who notices there is something wrong with the clones. He’s not their General but Obi-Wan is and Obi-Wan is a good general. When Obi-Wan is hurt, they’re all nosey and worried and Anakin – all but glued to his former Master’s bedside when it’s really bad and first and foremost a mechanic – can tell that something is wrong. He’s not always with them so it never becomes familiar, it never becomes normal, and it niggles at the back of his brain until he’s sitting in front of Obi-Wan’s bacta tank – old training bond humming between them because Obi-Wan hates drugs and hates being sedated and he stays quieter and heals faster if Anakin is there to keep him calm – and Rex walks in to check on the General and Anakin turns around to look at him and he sees it.
The Jedi Order quietly deprograms the clone army. They trace the chip back to Palpatine. Padme and Bail Organa and Mon Mothma start quietly amassing information against him and his allies – enough for criminal charges, pushing Sidious to show his hand and try to kidnap the twins.)
Obi-Wan takes Leia as his Padawan the second she’s old enough for it to be proper. They are scarily well matched. If he was the Jedi’s best hope to keep planets from succeeding during the war, together they can talk whole systems into rejoining the rebuilding Republic.
Yoda leaves Luke in the crèche until the day before his thirteenth birthday. Everyone is worried except Luke (who knows he is meant to be a Jedi and knows Master Yoda is meant to teach him and trusts this, since he was raised in the Temple. It’s easier to have faith when you’ve always had it and it’s never been wrong). Fourteen Jedi have tried to ask him to be their apprentice. Yoda bashed twelve of them over the head with his stick before they could and Luke turned two down himself, the last three days before his birthday. He spends his last day as a twelve-year old following his dad around, both of them a little clingier than usual. Anakin has always thought that Yoda intended to take Luke as his Padawan but he’s literally hours from aging out and he’s seriously considering comming Ashoka and begging her to come act as backup, when Luke suddenly hugs Anakin hard and quick and Anakin looks over and sees Yoda waiting in the doorway.
Anakin hugs Luke back very, very tightly and then he lets him go. Luke already has his few things packed and waiting. Yoda harrumphs at him. “Ready, you are, padawan mine?”
Luke’s smile is blinding. “Yes, Master.”
Leia talks star systems into rejoining the Republic. Luke returns the Fallen to the Jedi. Dooku is the first and most fleeting (having not been killed by Anakin) – having been betrayed and split from Sidious – Luke finds him when he’s dying and gets Yoda to him in time for him to pass them information on Sidious’ new schemes and die a Jedi, with his old master at his side. There are others, after that, who Fell during the war and didn’t think they could ever return from it. Luke, bright and shiny and full of faith, sees them, thinks, I can fix this, and brings them home one by one.
After the second Return, which is unavoidably public, Leia and Obi-Wan look at each other and enlist everyone they can to begin working to make Luke the new poster boy for the Order. Luke is intensely embarrassed by this and a bit bumbling and shy about it, which just makes it more attractive to everyone. It also keeps the spotlight well away from their rebuilding efforts, which are way easier when there’s less press exposure.
Sidious, who would still like to capture and corrupt the twins, eventually stops trying with Luke because there’s only a 50/50 anyone he sends after him will come back and between years of Yoda’s training (ie dodging his stick), Luke’s innate Force sense and his dumb luck he’s practically impossible to kill.
(Sidious dies ignobly at the hands of a new apprentice, one of the Fallen who Luke has been trying to save. His defeat was always going to be someone else’s redemption.)
You people need to tag me when you write, I keep missing good stuff like above!
Oh GOSH!
Everyone predicted Leia would eventually leave the order to follow in her mother’s footsteps but the SCANDAL that erupted when she married a former smuggler had the gossip rags going for years. Because circumstances sometimes change, but the Force will always find a way for certain absolutes. They have one son, and adopt several wayward young people along the way.
Anakin is delighted by his grandson for all that he’s sad that he couldn’t share him with Obi-Wan, who passed just before he was born. Ben would follow his grandfather around like a baby duck and hated sharing him with the other younglings. He’d get so angry when he felt Anakin was giving the other children more attention than him. Anakin would gently explain that he couldn’t play favorites, but Ben would still react with anger and find a place to pout alone.
He is five when he finds a nice secluded spot in the gardens, barely visible from the main path. A fountain sits in the center and Ben lets out his frustration by throwing small stones into it. He doesn’t notice Mace until he sits down right next to him and says “I like to come here too, when I’m angry.”
Ben is startled at first. Though he’s still small and largely untrained, no one has ever really snuck up on him before. He’s also never heard a master admit to being angry before. When questioned, Mace answers that everyone gets angry sometimes. The Jedi way isn’t the eradication of emotion, but the control of it. He brings Ben back to Anakin, who apologizes to the aging master for troubling him, but Mace dismisses the apology and tells him it was no trouble at all. Anakin glances sideways at Mace; they don’t always agree on things, but he can’t help but smile. It has been decades since Master Windu last took a padawan.
As Ben grows older he excels in his lessons. He’s smart, persistent, and so, so powerful in the Force. He’s the very top of his class, and the only one who has yet to be chosen by a master. He still goes to the fountain when he finds himself at war with his emotions. Usually he meditates alone for a while until he is able to calm down, but sometimes, when he feels particularly lost, Master Windu will show up. At these times Ben will often ask for advice, but sometimes they will simply sit together in silence.
Ben is desperate the day before he turns 13. He doesn’t understand how he could work so hard and not be noticed by a single master in the entire temple (which isn’t true, nearly everyone knows Ben Solo and can feel the pull of the Force around him. They also know they were not meant to guide him). He almost, almost comms his uncle and begs to take him as his padawan, but ultimately doesn’t because he knows how Luke follows the Force and if he were going to take him, he would have a long time ago. (Luke is busy anyway; a small girl in the outer rim is about to turn 3.)
He goes out to the fountain to watch the sun set. The next day he’ll go before the Council of Reassignment to be placed into a division of the Jedi Service Corps. He supposes it wouldn’t be so bad to be placed into the Exploration Corps, he’d see much of the galaxy that way. He sits and plans and wills himself to not cry. After all, the Jedi way isn’t the eradication of emotion, but the mastery of it.
Master Windu is still able to sneak up on him even though he’s doing so with a cane these days. Ben once held the hope that maybe the old master would take him as a padawan, but everyone knows Mace doesn’t take padawans anymore. His work on the Council is too important and he can’t give his precious time to a student, no matter what sort of strange bond has formed between them over the years. They sit for a moment before Ben breaks the silence. “What do you think my chances are of being assigned to the Exploration Corps?”
Mace seems to ponder the question for a moment. “Your scores in xenolinguistics is very high. You’ve also done very well in your survival field tests. You’d be a credit to the ExplorCorps.” He pauses for a moment. “Is that what you want to to do?”
Ben doesn’t give a straight answer, “It’s an honor,” he swallows the lump in his throat, “to be a part of the Service Corps.”
Mace sighs. “For someone who feels the Force so acutely, you have so little faith in it.” Ben winces. “Your patience leaves a lot to be desired. And you never really let go of anything.”
Ben is shaking. Of course. It doesn’t matter how well he does in his studies when the fundamentals of the ways of the Force is where he has always failed. He could never be a true Jedi. But it feels like the rawest betrayal when Mace says, “You can’t go into the Exploration Corps, Ben. Being left to drift through the galaxy unguided would be disastrous for you. You’d be very susceptible to the Dark Side if left alone.”
Ben’s eyes feel wet. He knows that too, though he’s never confessed to any of the masters about it. He was stupid to think he could hide it, though. The masters probably felt the Dark Side around him and rejected him outright. A bitter voice inside him resents them for dragging it out for so long.
Then he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. “I’m not afraid of the Dark, Ben. And you shouldn’t be either.” In spite of Master Windu’s gentle tone, Ben can’t bare to look at him. “Self mastery is a life long pursuit that no one ever really accomplishes. You have to take it day by day, even I’m still learning. You have everything you need, you just have to remember that it is a choice you must make and commit to every day.”
Ben sniffs. “Yes, Master.” But when Ben looks up at Mace, he doesn’t see the cold face of a stern teacher or the disappointment of an unsatisfied elder. He doesn’t even see the sympathy that everyone has been directing towards him as he got closer and closer to his 13th birthday. Instead there is warmth and fondness.
“However,” he continues, “it’s not a path you need to travel alone. At least not at first… if you’ll have me as your master.”
Ben lunges at Mace and hugs him tight. “Do you really mean it?”
Mace huffs a short laugh and ruffles the boy’s hair. “I’m too old to say things I don’t mean.” He pulls away. “But Ben, are you sure? I’m not the easier teacher.”
Finally able to hope again, Ben gives his master (his master!) a grin. “I’m not the easiest student!”
Mace gives an actual laugh at that. “Good!” He pulls himself up. “Alright, lets go make it official. I know that grand-daddy of yours is dying to start gloating like the gossiping old hen he is.”
No one’s quite sure where the little boy originally came from. He was found in a far-off system on a small icy planet, their names erased and replaced by code numbers, in a facility run by former followers of the late, unlamented Sheev Palpatine.
Most of the children were adopted out, but this one boy wasn’t. The reviewers found him to be strong in the Force, but some of the Council were worried about him – he was easily distracted, because he was constantly afraid of what was going to happen to him.
That first night, he lay in his bunk, in greater luxury than he’d had at Starkiller Base, and cried in terror after lights out. It was the first time he’d been alone in a room for, as far as he could remember, his entire life. He was alone, and terrified, and wondered what he’d done to be punished like this.
The door slid open, and the Training Master looked in. “Excuse me,” Anakin Skywalker, aged but smiling, looked in. “I sensed you in the Force. What’s wrong?”
The boy, who had been FN-2187, and named Finn, curled up. “’m scared.”
Anakin entered the room, closing the door, and sat down on the floor. He drew on the floor for strength and relief in his creaky joints, and smiled the smile that fifty years of younglings had learned to trust. “It’s okay. It can be scary.”
“Jedi don’t get scared.”
Anakin laughed, softly. “Oh, no, we do. But it’s not being scared that’s important. It’s what you do when you’re scared. A Jedi knows how to focus past the fear, and what fear does to you, and listen to the Force. Let me show you.” And in that moment, Anakin hears the voices of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn and Mace Windu and Yoda in his mind, all of them saying the same thing: “There you go again, Anakin.”
When Finn is thirteen, he becomes Anakin’s padawan, because of course he would, after Anakin’s first lesson, and then his time teaching that first meditation exercise to the new younglings, helping them the way he was helped, showing the compassion that was at his core. If Anakin is Dad, now they have their big brother Finn, who knows how scary it was and how one good moment can help you feel not so alone, not so scared, and how to find where you fit in.
When the time comes that Anakin must step down from active duty because he’s too old, too frail, to keep going, Finn is gobsmacked to be told he will take Anakin’s place.
And he always, always, has a bit of candy hidden in his belt, because he knows a dozen ways to calm a crying child and believes a little bit of candy is a good distraction while he figures out the best one.
And to the next generation of Jedi, Finn is the one they call “Dad”.
konekorambles 