sallymanthe:

1. “We can’t have sex on the couch.”
2. “I can’t, I’m allergic to potatoes.”
3. “Oh, I’m fine, thanks, no need to check on the person with a giant head wound.”
4. “I have chocolate.”
5. “I really hope he doesn’t procreate any time soon.”
6. “I hate hipsters.” “You mean hippies?” “Same thing.”
7. “I don’t wanna be her stupid boyfriend. But I don’t want anyone else to either.”
8. “Did you just lick me!?!”
9. “A … horse wedding?”
10. “I wouldn’t say obsessed. More like … thoroughly enjoy.” 
11. “You caught me; I spit in them. That’s my secret ingredient.”
12. “What do green shoes, blueberries, and a turban have to do with meteorites?”
13. “Um, it’s not exactly a party … but you can come anyway, if you want.”
14. “This is not a quest.”
15. “What did I say about kidnapping!?”