I’m not done being emotionally compromised by Samwise Gamgee in that scene in Shelob’s lair. He absolutely knows what the Ring has done to Frodo, mentally and spiritually – the thing that finally convinces him that Frodo must be dead is the fact that he doesn’t react to having the Ring taken from him. At some level, Sam knows that nothing but death could separate Frodo and the Ring now; that as long as Frodo lives he can’t willingly give it up.
And that’s a truth that neither of them can possibly afford to articulate to themselves, because what happens when we reach the Fire.
Oh no.
Oh no.
So both of them know that Frodo cannot, while he lives, willingly give up the Ring. Unlike Sam, I think that Frodo, so to speak, knows that he knows this. He knows there’s no hope, but he goes on anyway.
Sam knows it, but he has hope. Frodo is good, Frodo has him, Sam, to help him, something will happen to work everything out.
But even as early as the passage of the Marshes, Frodo says: “If the One goes into the Fire, and we are at hand? I ask you, Sam, are we ever likely to need bread again?” Look at that, look how depersonalized the language is: Frodo can’t even speak about casting the One into the Fire.
He knows he’s going to die.
He knows that’s the best-case scenario.
So I was annoying my siblings by misusing memes at them and then the brother absolutely destroyed me by announcing seriously “I know people think that middle aged is like 45 but honestly it should count when you’re 30 cause that’s when you start getting Old.”
Anakin
looked up at the deep brogue, blinking at Qui-Gon as the master stood
there in the doorway with a small smile on his face as he peered at
his padawan. “Uh… I’m sorry Master, I didn’t notice you
there…” He shifted his feet,
embarrassed at being caught as Obi-Wan hid his laughing mouth from
the blond, the bastard. He was the one who had suggested that Anakin
should try singing!
“I
know, I don’t mind. You sing well, Obi-Wan sang that same song. It
was one of his favorites.” Qui-Gon hung his robe and removed his
boots, his entire posture a bit sunken. It was the first time in six
years that the man had spoken to Anakin about Obi-Wan really in
length. “He could charm anyone into laying down and closing their
eyes if he wanted. I could never tell if it was a Force granted gift
or just his natural charm.” He laughed a bit.
Glancing
up at Obi-Wan by his side, Anakin watched in fascination as the ghost
seemed to blush and cover his face with his hands, peeking at their
master through his fingers.
Qui-Gon
made his way to the couch and sat down heavily, smiling up at Anakin
still though there was a slight downturn to it.
While
he could talk about Obi-Wan now, it was clear the others death still
weighted him down some.
‘But
its healing that he can talk at all now right?’ Anakin mused as
he noticed Obi-Wan remove his hands from his face to stare at the
master with a small fond smile despite still clearly doing the
ghostly version of his blush.
“I
once watched him sing a threeheaded dog into sleep like something out
of a planets mythos tales.” Qui-Gon laughed quietly. “The locals
told me it was the pitch of Obi-Wan’s voice when he sung but still
it was amazing to watch, singing something fierce and wild into
sleep… listening to him
sing was one of my favorite things in the entire galaxy.”
He smiled fondly to himself at the memory.
Glancing
up at Obi-Wan then back to Qui-Gon, Anakin took a chance.
“More
than I knew.” Qui-Gon confessed easily, peering at Anakin before
lifting one arm invitingly, Anakin sliding in below it easily while
peering up at Obi-Wan. “And I hurt him so badly those last few days
that I can do nothing but regret my actions towards him. I adore
having you here but I wish I had handled it differently.” Qui-Gon
sighed. “You can’t spend
twelve years together and not start loving someone despite the
differences and arguments you have, its impossible not to love them.
And Obi-Wan was light and
will and a dogged determination no one could break, how could I not
love someone like that had a heart like a lion? He was my friend as
much as my student.” He
settled on.
Settling
his head against Qui-Gon’s chest, Anakin listened to the steady
thump of the mans heart even as Obi-Wan knelt down in front of the
older man, touching his knees with wide eyes beneath the hood of his
blurry robe. “…What would you tell him if you could? If you had
one more chance to speak to him?” Anakin whispered.
Qui-Gon,
staring right through Obi-Wan, watched the chrono ticking away in
their quarters as he slowly rubbed Anakin’s scalp with a gentle
hand.
“What
would I tell him?” Qui-Gon laughed lowly, a bitter laugh. “How
long would I have? I have years of conversation to share with him if
I could but…” He let his laugh trail off. “If
I could have just five minutes… I’d tell him I was prouder of him
than any words could ever
express. That he was my pride and joy… and I was looking forward to
working with him once he was a knight.” Qui-Gon tilted his head
back on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
It
gave Anakin a chance to look at Obi-Wan.
And
that just broke his heart as rivers of tears streamed down the others
face as Obi-Wan stared at Qui-Gon with a desperate expression on his
face before he rushed to his feet and out of the room. Anakin bit his
lip, he never knew where Obi-Wan went at those times he
wanted to be alone, only that it was somewhere in the temple.
It
was hard not to feel like a thief in these moments though he knew
Obi-Wan didn’t blame him but here he was, curled against Qui-Gon’s
side where Obi-Wan should rightfully have been for the comfort he
clearly needed.
I noticed today that someone is selling “Stimtastic” branded chewables on Amazon at literally twice the regular price. So if you’re buying on Amazon, doublecheck to be sure you’re getting a price close to what we charge on our website. (We mark some of the items up a dollar or so to cover some of Amazon’s fees but we would definitely never double the price.)
konekorambles 