now i’m a week out from a trip to look at schools in the uk and i’m looking at finances and have come to the conclusion its hopeless i’m never going to get anywhere in life or ever do what i love and that suicide looks like a viable option right now so this is a fine fun sunday afternoon.
Tag: suicide tw
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Me: *is minorly and temporarily inconvenienced*
My brain: Clearly the only solution is to die.
Me: wait what i’m not even that upset why–
My brain: Yep. Die. Be dead. Only way. Gotta.
so apparently what im doing for christmas is serious suicidal ideation for he first time in years. i dont know how to make tis stop or if i want it to and i feel like such a waste of space no one would care no one should care everyone would be better off without me
The Brother: oh my god stop reminding us you’re gay, I get it! Also why are you allowed to joke about homophobia but I’m not?
What I thought: You’re not allowed to joke about homophobia because you make jokes about how it hasn’t really existed since the 1800s. I live in a world where going on a date in public means accepting the potential of being verbally or physically attacked. Where our own cousin has had rocks thrown at him for going for a walk with his boyfriend IN SEATTLE. In a country that recognizes “charitable” organizations that were behind the laws making being gay punishable by death in other nations. Where I’m lucky that if my gender becomes public knowledge I only risk verbal and emotional abuse, not physical violence. Where I would have been a criminal in so-called “civilized” countries until 1994. Where every news story about a little trans kid committing suicide makes me feel sick not just because of that life lost but because I know that other scared lonely desperate kids are going to follow that example within a week. Where the deadliest mass-shooting in this gun-happy country took place in a gay club on Latin night in a spectacular confluence of homophobia and racism. Where there are people on the other side of the world being murdered in cold blood and forced into actual concentration camps for the “crime” of loving the wrong people. So yeah, I’m going to be vocal and proud and crack jokes because it’s my way of giving a giant middle finger to a world that would rather I was silent, scared, and dead.
What I said: im gay fuck u
konekorambles 